My blogs posts bore me lately. I try to imagine my faithful readers hanging on through the drought. In a desperate moment I search for a book of writing prompts. However, the book I choose generates only some great laughs as I develop sarcastic replies to the goofy prompts. More of that:

Prompt #807: Imagine that you are a crab walking along on the ocean, trying to avoid all of the people while trying to get a bit of food from every passerby is a complicated job. Talk about a day in the life of Herbert J. Crab.

Walking along on the ocean? Hmmmm. Are we talking about Herbert J. Crab or Jesus? I feel a Maxine Moment floating in on the waves.

Prompt 832: You have been shrunk down to the size of a byte and you are bouncing around on the Internet! What does everything look and feel like? How do you get around and how are you going to get out of there?  

At my age, we don’t shrink down to anything, although I can relate to “bouncing around” being such a klutz all the time. I am not going to worry about getting out of there because I cannot imagine floating through the internet in the first place. Wait! I wonder if it is like snorkeling???

Prompt #904: You are dead. You are in hell. Discuss. 

This is my day off; so I won’t talk about theology. Besides, what is all this kerfuffle about hell?

Prompt #943: Talk about ten people in your life and whether you think they will go to Heaven or Hell. How do you think they will fare in the afterlife?

See prompt #904

Wait!!! Here is one I can relate to. Inspiration at last!

Prompt # 788: You have become a bird! Pretty sweet, huh? How does the world look to you now that you can fly through the air at great speed? What are the things you have to worry about now that you no longer have bills to pay?

My love of birds began in childhood. I remember clutching a Tweety Bird stuffed animal after doctors removed my tonsils. I was back at home and recovering on a giant bed with lots of pillows and blankets. The pediatrician came over for a house call, and he liked my Tweety Bird too. Later, after the troll doll phase, I fell in love with owls. In college, while on walks around the desert, I saw Roadrunners, Quail, Cactus Wren. Now,  my heart and soul feast on delightful ducks, elegant shorebirds, graceful hawks, and noisy Sandhill Cranes. The owls are still my personal favorite. I try diligently to avoid collecting too many–I dislike that old lady tendency to collect cutesy things. I limit myself to two owl necklaces, one owl nic-nac, and one outside owl statue. I embroidered an owl on a dish towel, too.

So, were I to transform suddenly to a bird, it would be an owl. Most owls travel up and down the planet several times each year, a true bonus to morphing into a bird. No gas guzzling RVs needed. No carbon footprint. The Snowy Owl spends the summer on the Arctic Circle, which I would love to see. I can imagine soaring over the ice, taunting polar bears for fun and hunting rodents for dinner. In late spring and early fall, I would finally see the Northern Lights. Then, just when life gets boring and I eat up all the food supply, I would migrate south with my brethren. Problem with Snowy Owls, however, is they do not go far. The Dakotas are one of their favorite wintering spots. Perhaps I would morph back to human-ness since I am in the Dakotas already. Owl in the summer, human in the winter? Not a bad plan. The best of both worlds.

An owl is up high on the food chain, so I would have little to worry my bird brain. Wolves, foxes, and humans prey on Snowy Owls; however, my white feathers blend in with the snowy Dakotas so I have less chance of being devoured while in my owl morph then I do hiking in mountain lion country as a human.

I like my time as an owl. Thank you writing prompt book for an interesting time.