Mom is doing great after her heart procedure. I plan to stay longer so I can continue to cook for her. I love my little campground, I have Tango back from the dog sitter, and life is quiet. I get to Mom’s just before lunch, which I make for us both. I hang around all afternoon, then make supper. Tango and I go home and walk the wooded trails. Its a good routine.
This trip is so different from the last 42 years of home visits. I started out coming home during school breaks (Univ of AZ). Sometimes I brought friends. Eventually, I brought home my new baby to meet the extended family. As he grew, I brought him home when I could. When he flew off on his own, I came by plane or I drove, camping along the way. Things started changing about 12 years ago, when mom had a heart attack. Over the Christmas holidays that year, we kept vigil as she struggled with rare complications from the simple stent procedure. A few years ago, I did what I could to help mom and my stepdad move from the family house to their apartment, where they live now. Now, mom had another heart procedure and needs full time care. She uses a walker to move about.
I always took “going home” for granted. I realize that at any time they may not be here for me to “come home to.” There are so many things I wish I had known before, including the following:
- The time really will come when your parents grow old and frail, then die. Then the time will really come for me.
- Treasure the visits. Sometimes they seemed like something I did out of duty
- Forgive them their trespasses and hope they forgive yours
- Make more effort to stay in touch between visits
- Accept that nothing will stay the same anywhere and especially in the home town.
- Time flies
- Goodbyes won’t be easy.
All this is especially poignant since I am transitioning as well. I don’t have one place at the moment that I call home, because I moved around so much for work. My adult son has moved around as well. The good news: I can live near him in my golden years. Home is now where my son and his wife are! They even like having me around.
This is a touching and reflective post, Jane. You made us consider what lies ahead. Some things in life (death, for one) are inevitable, and we need to prepare for them. I don’t believe illness as we age is inevitable, but if it comes, we need to handle it with dignity and respect. You are doing so much good, just attending to your mother and living your life!
Thanks….what a great cheerleader you are!