I don’t have anything against West Virginia. In fact, the state is gorgeous. The big problem, however, is their love of biscuits. I know they love these fluffy, fat filled, bleached flour carbs because half of the exits off I-77 advertise a biscuit restaurant. Tudor’s Biscuit World: 

This is a problem because biscuits are one of my favorite foods. Without anything added, like sausage or eggs, a biscuit is about 200 calories and full of fat. They have absolutely no nutritional value. None. Still, they call to me. Comfort food.

When I saw the first Biscuit World sign I did a double take. WV has restaurants dedicated to biscuits? A world of biscuits? I imagined all the possibilities: biscuits with raspberry jam or eggs, or GRAVY. Chocolate syrup? Cinnamon and butter? Ymmmm. Biscuits and gravy would be good for lunch, no? Am I in WV or nirvana?

I eagerly look for the next Biscuit World sign. I push aside the sensible voice in my head that says, You don’t need biscuits. You need something sensible for lunch, like yogurt and protein powder. The camper frig is full of good stuff like that. 

I respond: Shhhhhhsssshhhhh. I need biscuits. Just this once. It won’t hurt. I won’t be in WV again until???? Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits. 

The sensible voice finally shuts up and I see another exit, with another Biscuit World. I veer onto the ramp. At the stop sign I see that the sign for BW points to the right. I expect a row of chain fast food joints and gas stations, but after 1/4 mile I am in the back hills of WV. Steep hills point skyward, lush green trees surround me, a crick burbles nearby. The road narrows to barely 2 lanes. Hmmmm. I am now on a mission to find biscuits. I drive to the next stop sign. I see signs of life to the right, so I turn. More back roads. John Denver invades my mind:

“Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River.
Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.

Country roads, take me home to the place I belong.
West Virginia, mountain mamma, take me home, country roads”

Go away John Denver. I don’t even like your music, so there. But, if you can take me home to the place I belong –Biscuit  World — then speak to me now! He remains silent, so I turn around, back to the Interstate.

After another hour or so I am seriously ready for lunch, so I pull over and make a nice healthy meal and set up a little picnic at the rest area. I can’t help thinking about the biscuits I could have had if only John Denver had come back from the dead to speak to me. Oh well. I don’t need dang fat-filled carb lumps, anyway.

Back on the Interstate again, my mind off on something else. About 10 minutes down the road, another exit and guess what? Another sign for Biscuit World. I just ate! What a cold cruel world. I could get some for later, but cold, old biscuits? No way. I console myself by thinking I will find more down the road, maybe all the way into FL. Biscuits, biscuits, biscuits. I drive into Virginia, and still no Biscuit World. I pull over at Flying J and fall asleep in the camper. I think about biscuits as I fall asleep. With jam.

It is a new day! Bright and sunny, with some of that Smoky Mountain fog on the horizon. The Flying J  has a Denny’s so I decide–for a change–to eat breakfast out. I need Internet access and some good coffee. I scan the menu. The breakfast platters are  huge–eggs, pancakes, hash browns, sausage or bacon, your choice of toast or………………………………BISCUITS. There is a biscuit god.

I scan the Side Order menu and find the blessed biscuits. I order two eggs, over easy and a side of biscuits.

Next up: fill the propane tanks while at Flying J and gas up! Life is good and I set off with a happy tummy. Still wondering if Florida has Biscuit World, though.