People have said “Yes Ma’am” to me countless times since I arrived in Florida. When I ask for something in the store, “Yes, Ma’am”. When I ask for directions, “Yes, Ma’am, I kin show ya”. Yes, Ma’am. Yes, Ma’am. Southern folks are a polite bunch.

Most of the people I meet around town and in stores are locals, long-term Floridians who grew up here. Southern Florida and the coastlines are filled with northern implants, but here, in North Central inland Florida, polite locals prevail. Sometimes their accents are so different that I struggle to understand their words, but “Yes Ma’am” always stands out.

Kindness, consideration. I wonder each time I hear “Yes Ma’am” what the country would be like if we ALL greeted each other with such respect and politeness. People are not always so nice. Why here? What’s behind this? I found this following information.

From Psychology Today:

“Social psychologists Dov Cohen and Richard Nisbett have proposed an explanation. They note that societies with a so-called “culture of honor: are often extremely polite. In cultures of honor-and the South is one such culture—people are concerned about their reputation for toughness and readiness to avenge insults and slurs (dueling was a common practice in the South long after it disappeared in the North, and all of the southern states have some version of a “stand-your-ground” law). These concerns about reputation, say Cohen and Nisbett, give rise to rules regarding politeness because it is one way to avoid slighting others.

In an experiment sometimes referred to as the a**hole experiment, Cohen and Nisbett insulted male students and the University of Michigan, some of whom were Southerners and some of whom were from the North. Northerners usually shrugged off the slight, but Southerners often showed a flash of anger. Saliva tests revealed that insulted Southerners had testosterone levels twice as high as Northerners.”

I get that story, but it seems too simple. I dug further and found a NY Times article which said  that the politeness was primarily used by women and blacks, both subservient to southern men. Politeness preserved that social order. These seems to make more sense, but maybe the truth is a combination of reasons.

The Times also reports that Southern manners are in decline and they blame the influx of outsiders into southern states. Crazy Yankees.

Politeness was valued at one time. This past election showed us just how impolite everyone can be—candidates, voters, pundits, and the press. I felt embarrassed at times.

The counter punch to a culture of rudeness: small gestures of kindness, like opening doors, smiling, letting someone cut in front of you,  letting the clerk know you are not in a hurry. Another guy gave me “the finger” because I was driving too slow while looking for a store. I finally realized the perfect response: the peace sign of two fingers in a V. Feels great.