Hi, I am Mo

Hey, we were here first. Now, this gray-haired Annie Oakley tries to push us around. No one sent her the memo. We are young bulls taking a summer break from college and gainfully employed as the lawn mowers and picnic table maintenance crew for the campground. In fact, we are under contract with the NFS for the entire summer, just like she is.  

We are efficient in our jobs. What looks like random wandering through the sites is actually when we mow and fertilize the grass. Since we can’t manipulate water buckets and a sponge, we simply lick the tables clean, an easy job with our giant tongues.

Hi, I am Larry!

Annie Oakley acts so superior as if walking upright on only 2 legs makes her special. How dare she call us Larry, Curly, and Mo–buffoon characters from long ago. We are good at what we do.  And that dog of hers has such airs. He trots around with his nose up in the air taking his Canine Dog Patrol job so seriously.  We don’t like him one bit, even though he has four legs like us. In the past, Park Rangers have used Australian Shepherds to round us up, so we have a long history with his kind. 

At least the campers are nice. They keep a respectful distance and take nice photos. If we are working in one campsite, they let us finish before walking by. We have lots of camper stories, like the 3 guys who had just finished putting up their tent when we moved into their site to mow. We have never watched anyone pack up a tent and flee that fast.

If this chick continues to shoo us away, we will bring in our union brothers from the United Brotherhood of National Forest Bison. Our forefathers, because of the human propensity for shooting us, founded this group and we need only send out the call. This campground will be flooded with young bulls ready to picket for our jobs.

We demand respect now, especially since–on May 9, 2016 — President Obama signed the National Bison Legacy Act into law, officially making the American bison the national mammal of the United States. We join the ranks of the Bald Eagle as the official symbols of our country. Thus, when the current animal-hating president took a stand against conservation on public lands, we created the ALT-Bison group. Our purpose parallels the ALT-National Park and ALT-Nasa, groups founded by rogue federal employees, including scientists, who also don’t get any respect.

So, hey, on a lighter note, what do you think about our cool fur capes? We are slowly shedding our winter coats and will grow new ones in the fall. Like the beard?

Nice to meet you all! I am Curly.

6 FACTS ABOUT BISON (National Wildlife Federation):

1) Bison are North America’s largest land animals. Mature bulls weigh up to 2,000 pounds and mature cows as much as 1,000 pounds.

2) A bison stands 6 – 6.5 feet tall and 10 – 12.5 feet long.

3) A bison’s hump is composed of muscle, supported by long vertebrae. It allows the animal to use its head to plow through snow.

4) Most of the 500,000 or so bison nationwide are raised as livestock on ranches. About 30,000 are managed for conservation in private and public herds.

5) Fossils and accounts from early travelers show that Yellowstone National Park is the only place in the U.S. where bison have lived continuously since prehistoric times.

6) The Yellowstone herd is one of the few that remains genetically free of cattle genes.

Our sister and her baby. Female bison have horns and beards like the guys.