As children, many of us had imaginary BFFs. As adults, we take the game to a new level with magical thinking. In the broad sense, magical thinking occurs when we believe that our thoughts extend into and/or can change the external world. Praying for rain, for example.
I have also seen magical thinking applied to human relationships. People believe all is well with their spouse/child/friend, despite evidence to the contrary. A woman or man believes that by trying hard enough, the other person in their relationship will magically change. Magical thinking eases the pain of reality, keeps us sane, and helps us cope but truth will have an annoying way of cracking the surface on magical thinking.
I am free-floating in a pool of magical thinking while caretaking the parents. The magical scenario: I rush to the aid of ailing, wonderful parents who had cheerful happy lives in the Midwest. I have been the perfect daughter all my life, always showing patience with and total respect for my parents. No one feels any anger or betrayal or regrets. La la land.
But here is the unmagical thinking that I worked out: my parents and I are full of imperfections and made many mistakes. We have been both caring and neglectful of each other. Still, all the junk and dramas of the past need not prevent us from having a truly meaningful experience during this final phase of their lives. Realistic thinking. Loving the soft, sweet reality of this time together, which is what I will remember the most in the years ahead. That means I can let go of everything else. I like reality so much better.
