I bookmarked on my computer the marine wind/weather forecasts and tide chart sites. I especially like this NOAA site because it gives me lots of visuals. Yesterday, before going kayaking, I checked the forecasts and wow! I found small craft warnings in effect for the Strait of Juan de Fuca, the long stretch of water that runs past the Olympic Peninsula. These warnings pertain mostly to boats out on the Strait that could be overwhelmed by strong currents, waves, and winds. The small bay where I wanted to go does not have the severe currents and waves, but the wind would be the same and the overall conditions would be affected.

Yikes! I don’t want to be on stormy water like that.

I decided not to go kayaking considering the conditions. However, I did go down to the little park to walk Tango and to see just how the conditions did affect the water. It was definitely worse than the day before. The slight winds broke the water surface. The day before it had been like glass. It was also colder because of the winds, and I am certain that on the water it would have been worse.

As I was getting ready to leave, two young guys with a canoe pulled up. They looked at the water for a few minutes, then jumped out and unloaded the canoe. I watched for a short time. They are young and strong so did not have much trouble, but it looked miserable out there. Again, no wetsuits. I don’t understand that: according to a marine site I checked, the water temp was around 49 degrees.

I discovered a paddling group in the area. I requested to join their Facebook Group and the admin of the group sent me a message welcoming me and inviting me to their monthly meeting, tonight! I will definitely go, although I feel a bit sheepish. I have a small, sit-on-top kayak and am possibly older than most of the members. I want to take simple trips in more protected waters but will keep an open mind. It will be fun. I have been out of the kayaking loop for so long and I will learn so much from these folks.

Last night the RV park organized another Happy Hour in the clubhouse. I went again and met some nice people. I was most interested in a couple from Alaska who spent the last two winters in Silver City, NM. Silver City is not far from Deming where I stayed.  They are also exploring this area as a possible base, and they like it here because of the proximity to Alaska and the relatively mild winter weather. So much in common! I hope to spend more time talking with them.

I am also checking out all the Al-Anon meetings and connecting with people there. Last Saturday I attended a talk on Great Blue Heron and Belted Kingfishers at the Audubon center. So my greatest fear about leaving the Ranch in New Mexico, being socially isolated, has been assuaged. I have something on my calendar almost every day and, on some days, several overlapping events to choose from. Today I head over to join the YMCA, where I will take water aerobics classes.

On the weird side of the spectrum of people interactions, a neighbor at the RV park went off about Tango. Tango was on a leash and I was holding him with one hand and a cup of coffee with the other hand while I gingerly used the steps to exit the RV. The neighbor’s dog was not on a leash and it came into Tango’s space. Tango pulled on the leash while I was exiting and started growling at the other dog. The lady came around her RV and started yelling at me, “pull your dog back, pull your dog back!:” I was holding him back, but I was also involved in a delicate balance of dog, coffee, and steps and was trying not to fall while Tango pulled. I paused (yeah!)  for a moment before saying anything then I did point out that I was holding my dog back. She went off about my vicious dog. No mention that this all happened because of her dog being off-leash (against the rules here) and in our RV space. Now, in the  PAA days (Pre Al-Anon), I would have pointed this out. “Your dog is off-leash and in our space” but again, I would have somehow been the bad guy. This time, I smiled and said, “No harm was done here, just dogs being dogs”. Well, that set her off too. My dog was so mean, etc, etc. She was shaking.

As Tango and I continued our walk, I thought about the lady through the Al-Anon lens. Through that lens, when people are unpleasant it is because they are hurting. Given a chance, they try to dump their pain onto someone else. Events become crises. Furthermore, if you live in victim mode, everything is just one more case of life’s injustice. Seeing things through that lens allowed me to be more empathetic and to slough off the event rather than carrying it around all day. Later when I saw the lady drive off, I waved and smiled. I did not accept the offering of her pain that day. It was a big moment for me.

I did not do so good with one guy at the social hour. He and his wife talk incessantly about themselves, their perfect grandchildren, their money and accomplishments. They are the type who dominate in social settings, making everyone else seem inconsequential. I am getting better at listening politely, then when people like that come up for air, I chime in with my own story, or ask someone else a question. The lady from Alaska, whom I really liked, was telling us about a 1-5 rating system she uses to asses the weather here, which they will reflect on later when decided if they want to make this their base. I am not typically that analytical, but I was fascinated and decided that I wanted to do that too. I asked her to explain the criteria behind each number (e.g., amount of sun, rain, etc). She was up to number 3 and the mouthy guy interrupted and starting telling a completely unrelated story of his own. He rambled on and on. Finally, I looked at the Alaska lady and said, okay, what about numbers 4 and 5 (very co-dependent from Al-Anon’s perspective). I know that was rude, but really! He had already interrupted a conversation everyone was listening too. The Alaska lady continued, and when she was done, the bore said, “Well, to finish my story….blah blah blah.” He looked right at me, making me the bad guy for interrupting him. Fortunately, I had laundry in the dryer and needed to go get it, so I excused myself. But, I let him bug me for a bit.

I have a lot more work to do around the mouthy bores who dominate social situations. They are difficult for me because I had more than one in my family system. My stepmom was the most extreme; she was a compulsive talker who rarely came up for air. She also repeated the same stories over and over and over and over. Being around people like her contributed to my own sense of invisibility as a child, and I never learned how to deal with them. If I said anything, I was the bad guy. However, if I, once again, assess them from the recovery perspective, they are deeply broken people who carry around their own brand of pain. But, here is where I get stuck. Am I enabling them if I sit there and listen politely? Do I seem rude to all the other nice people if I get up and leave? What is the healthy response? Fortunately, I don’t have to figure this out alone anymore, and I will bring it up at the next Al-Anon meeting. It really helps to know how others deal with trying situations.