I don’t know if this is a positive thing or not: as I grow older I see through people’s pretensions when I first meet them. Life experience seems to give us X-ray vision into a person’s motivations and behaviors. When we were younger, I think we projected all kinds of traits onto someone new and did not see them as they really were. I also know that the mind chatters during a first conversation and that further distracts us from seeing the real person. Do they like me? Are they fun? Will we sleep together? 

I was wandering around the marina yesterday, walking Tango and also checking out the boats moored there. A guy my age walked away from his large boat, came up the ramp, and then up the sidewalk where Tango and I had paused. He paused too and started talking. He was friendly and chatty. At one time I would have been flattered that he stopped to talk to me. He was nice looking and had an awesome boat!  Ohhhhh, maybe he likes me!  But this time, no distractions. I was struck immediately by how he just walked up to me and started talking about himself and his wife. They made lots of money, they have a 32-foot boat that is robust enough to “get to Alaska” from here. They live in Sunland, a golf course community in Sequim. They have traveled extensively overseas. He would sometimes take a breath and ask me a question, but I only got in a half a sentence each time. He would interrupt my answer and follow the thread I started, talking again about his life and all the things he has done. As I stood there listening, I realized that at one time I would have thought, this guy sure is friendly. I understand now that this guy was looking to me, a total stranger, for validation. He had everything: wealth, worldly success, a smart, successful wife (based on his description), a boat, a house on the fairway. Yet, he is still somehow vacant inside. His friendliness towards me had nothing to do with me. He needed to impress someone and there I was, standing around at the marina. As he droned on, I wondered, Doesn’t he have anyone in his life who will validate him? Is his need a bottomless well?

I am the opposite of that guy. I don’t have any trappings of success on the outside, but I feel very rich and blessed inside. I have had ups and downs and many painful experiences within my ultra-dysfunctional family, but I am happy overall with what I have done and am quite happy with my current lifestyle (despite my emotional blahs last fall). I am doing exactly what I want to be doing and living a rich life on my own terms. I am content as a single person and am not looking at all for someone to “complete” me. Quite the opposite. The thought of someone wanting me to change my ways or altering my lifestyle is horrifying! At one time, being single felt lonely but no longer. Especially when I meet women who are in unhappy relationships but cannot leave because they are not self-supporting.  Truthfully, I prefer having the internal richness over external trappings. If I were to doubt that I would remember the guy at the marina who reminds me that stuff will never provide validation and happiness. Those things come from within.

Not that I wouldn’t love a 32-foot live-aboard boat! But, given the choice, I am fine with my life as it is!! Furthermore, I don’t really like being expected to validate a stranger. When he did not show any signs of stopping after about 5 minutes, I choose to excuse myself. Gotta go, I said. Tango and I kept on wandering.