I have been living in PNW forests for 2 months as a camp host. Under the trees, it is difficult to tell exactly when it gets dark. The light just slowly fades at the end of the day. Now that I am back in Sequim in an open clearing I am shocked! The sun is down and the sky nearly dark at 8 PM, quite early after a long summer in the far north. I feel like I was thrown into fall, which is not a bad thing because it is my favorite season. I came to Sequim on Nov 1 last year. It was late fall but a few trees were still yellow. I am excited to experience early fall this September.
The onset of fall made me remember that regular season football starts this week. My air antenna does not pick up any TV channels in this area, but it is not my first season without TV. I have come to love football on satellite radio. I receive on Sirius XM all of the games and can pick and choose. I am ready for next weekend. I also plan to listen to some college games, as usual.
My passion for picking up trash has not waned since taking a break from camp hosting. I have spent quite a bit of time picking up trash where I have my rig parked at the moment. I use my new trash picker and a blue kids pail that was left behind at Deception Pass. I enjoy keeping myself moving while keeping my surroundings trash free!
For those who follow my Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) journey, I had a great success and want to share in hopes that it will be inspirational.
Those of us who follow the ACOA online groups are familiar with a meme about the connection between healing and disengaging from our abusers. I can’t find it right now but the point is that we know we are healing when people who are part of the dysfunctional family group try to play the usual pattern of pushing buttons and we are able to avoid engaging. In other words, we don’t get triggered. This is a major turning point in terms of healing from our past.
In my family the madness often played out like this: one of the abusers would try to dump all of their pain on me (and others) when it became too much for them to bear alone. Historically, they do this by pounding on our weaknesses and sensitivities and then laughing and pointing fingers as we act crazy in defense. They then get to discredit us by saying how crazy and volatile we are. In addition to transferring pain, the other point is to distract others from the failings of the abuser. It is a terrible form of mental abuse that I experienced throughout my childhood and well into adulthood. My dead dad was the most accomplished of the abusers. I recognize now that he tried really hard not to pound on me, but other times he could not help himself. Besides, hearing the abuse heaped on others is almost as bad as being the victim. My dead stepmother was the one most often on the receiving end. But there are other abusers and others on the receiving end.
Well, to my surprise, the long-established pattern presented itself the other day! Out of the blue, a family member started texting and emailing all kinds of crazy stuff. I was accused of extortion among other things. Serious threats were made. Everything I started to say was twisted and taken out of context. More name-calling followed by paranoid conclusions. Delusions of grandeur. I even witnessed what I think was a split personality change. In spite of an Oscar-worthy performance by the abuser, I did not get triggered. Yes, I broke the pattern in terms of what role I was supposed to play. It was awesome. I learned a great deal, most importantly that I am free from the abusers at last! I had come to understand these family patterns over the years, but since I mostly stay away from family because of the insidious dysfunction, I had never really experienced this issue since my awareness was awakened.
This was just after Hurricane Dorian and so I have named the episode after the Category 5 Hurricane that stalled over the Bahamas and dumped its fury for 30 plus hours. It twirled, pounded, and pulverized those islands. My personal Hurricane Dorian lasted about the same amount of time as the original and had its own fair share of pounding and pulverizing. But, fortunately for me, the experience was not devastating.
If you have not experienced extreme family dysfunction and abuse, what I say may sound unbelievable. Far too many other people, however, will find the pattern quite familiar. But, there is help. That I was able to dodge the triggers is a testament to ACOA groups and materials. I am stoked by the evidence of my healing.
